Item #21: On Mistakes

I’ve had the recent pleasure of having to deal with the fact that I made a mistake. I know it sounds crazy to say it like that, but I have a morbid fear of making mistakes. And when I make one, I panic. Here’s why my mindset about making mistakes needs perspective (in case there is anyone out there who struggles with the same):

Truth 1: We Make Mistakes.

Obviously, the most important thing to say is that given that we are human beings and not machines, we make mistakes. We mis-compute, we ignore important information because of emotion, and we sometimes lose focus; we make mistakes. We all, often, make little mistakes, and sometimes we make big mistakes. And if that isn’t happening, then we probably are living in a cautious, restrained place, dotting our every ‘i’ and crossing our every ‘t’ to avoid mistakes. While this living may perhaps be a place of making fewer mistakes, I can’t imagine it is a place of liberated thinking or behaviour. So, if you’re going to be a free, fully functioning human, taking risks, then you are going to make mistakes.

Truth 2: Some Mistakes ARE a Big Deal.

Not all mistakes matter that much. If you forget to order coffee for the meeting, well, we’ll get by just fine. If you miss a zero (on the end) of a work estimate, and then do the work, well that might be a big deal. So be it. It’s true. Some mistakes are a big deal, and some cause big problems. When mistakes happen, the ideal situation is to have an accepting, collaborative team, client, boss, family, friend, who will jump in and help right the situation. The best of those (bosses, friends, clients) understand that humans make mistakes, sometimes big ones, and work with you empathetically to right it.

Truth 3: Even Big Mistakes don’t make you a Big Mistake.

Even if you make a big mistake, it doesn’t mean you are a big mistake. The greatest challenge when mistakes happen is not to generalize the mistake you made to suggest that you are incompetent, incapable, a “mistake-maker”. ‘Making’ a mistake is different from ‘being’ a mistake. And sometimes that is very hard to hang onto when you are in the midst of having made a mistake. Sometimes a mistake is an opportunity to teach you something and make you better at what you are doing, and other times a mistake is to teach you that you are doing the wrong thing and it is time for change. Either way, mistakes are a lesson, in being human.

What to do when you’ve made a mistake?

Accept it. Don’t try to talk around the mistake, internally to yourself, or externally with excuses to others.

Address it. Be straight-forward, clear and upfront. This is what has happened and this is why it happened.

Evaluate it. Stop to understand for yourself what led to the error, and determine what could be done to avoid it in the future.

Integrate it. Bring your new learning into everything you do from that point forward.

What not to do when you've made a mistake?

Berate yourself.

Generalize the mistake to yourself personally.

Lose your self-confidence.