It’s yet another beautiful day in Toronto...but the power of the iPad means I can suntan and write at the same time. The only opportunity for improvement would be if I could have my painted toes buried in sand with water lapping at my feet...but hey I'll take what I can get!
Either way I am prompted today to talk about ‘The Language of Fear’. The lurking menace of fear disguises itself in many ways. I'm going to share four common disguises I hear along with their translated meaning. This should help you to be on the lookout for fears masquerading ways.
Fear in disguise #1: "Okay, let's be realistic here.”
What these words really mean: "I'm afraid to shoot for the moon in this given situation. I might not be able to reach the heights everyone is hoping for so let me just bring down the expectation level in general and ask everyone to be realistic.” To realistic, I say screw that. Shoot for the moon, be idealist and see what happens. In the words of Leo Burnett: If you reach for the stars, you may not quite get one but you won't end up with a handful of mud either.
Fear in disguise #2: "We don't have enough information.”
What these words really mean: "I don't have enough confidence yet to move ahead; what I really want is to delay, to give myself more time for that confidence to spontaneously appear." I’m not suggesting information doesn’t matter, and that at times it’s not true that we don’t have enough information, but often these words are fear masquerading and we need to be on the lookout for that. All the information in the world will not matter when confidence is the issue. Confidence comes from biting the bullet and giving it a go. Confidence comes from starting and then determining what additionally is needed, or desired. Confidence comes from action, not information.
Fear in disguise #3: "We just need to be careful that we don't end up looking stupid."
These just might be my most disliked fear words. Because basically, being careful to not look stupid is just about the surest way to be stupid. If you put the restraining brakes on right at the outset, you can be pretty damn sure you will be firing on half your potential cylinders, that you won’t really every take a shot at anything big. Here’s how I think the whole stupid thing plays out: about 15% of the time, you’ll deliver something that didn’t meet expectations and that’s going to happen whether you are worried about looking stupid or not; 80% of the time, you’ll deliver up to expectations and you’ll feel as though you did a good job and that’s going to happen whether you are worried about looking stupid or not. But here’s where stupid matters; about 5% of the time, some idea you had because you took a risk and weren’t worried about looking stupid will land, and the outcome will be great. It’s in that 5% that the magic happens. But see 5% isn’t a big percentage, and that 5% is only ever possible if you forget about looking stupid. 5% is a small percentage to screw around with. I say forget about stupid.
Fear in disguise #4: "This is going to be just like every other time."
These words may be the worst fear words of all. What they really mean is: “I've been here before. I've tried this before and it didn't work. Since it didn’t go anywhere then, I've already thrown in the towel and resigned myself to believing that I will not be able to create a different outcome this time.” It says that everything that is to come will mimic that which has already been. And this is the worst form of fear. Because this kind of fear is personal, rooted in the individual and can have pervasive long lasting results. This isn’t fear about a situation; this is a fear belief system. Which is more powerful. To these fear words, I say ‘this time might very well be different’. Anything can change; in fact it almost always does.
Fear is real. And it’s not all bad. In fact, fear serves an important purpose. Mostly, that purpose is to alert us to things that are really important to us. Frankly, if we really didn't care, we wouldn't need to have fear disguises. But fear that doesn't know its place is damaging. Damaging to the work we produce, to morale, to confidence, to futures and when fear becomes an epidemic malaise, to the culture of our societies. Learn to recognize the language of fear and banish it in favour of action, confidence, and optimism. Because action, confidence and optimism can beat fear any day. I’ve seen it.
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