Item #32: Measuring Success

I want to talk briefly about ‘Measuring Success’. I'm not going to share much opinion, just going to plant some thoughts and ask some questions.

It strikes me that there are a number of different possible measures of success in living life:

Optional Success Measure: Material Gain
Many people measure success in life by their accumulation of material goods: a big house, luxury cars, expensive clothes, jewelry, home electronics etc… Success is in having the best, the biggest, the most expensive. Here I think of Donald Trump.

Optional Success Measure: Financial Wealth
Different from above, this is about those who measure success by having the most net worth i.e.: having the highest asset value, or the most money in the bank. These people may live humble lives, materially (inexpensive car, small house etc…), but they have assets in great amount. Here I think of ‘The Millionaire Next Door’.

Optional Success Measure: Incredible Experiences
These are people I know who sacrifice the accumulation of wealth and/ or the acquisition of material items in order to obtain experiences: people who have traveled the world; people who have gone back to school, sometimes multiple times; people who pursue spiritual journeys; people who put priority on culinary experiences, or invest themselves extensively in recreational hobbies. Here I think of one of my good friends, who has visited almost every country on almost every continent of our globe.

Optional Success Measure: A Model Parent
Again, I can think of people I know who put money on the back burner, and make earning level of less importance, in order to be at home more, to spend more time with their kids, to invest more heavily in school or other children’s activities. These people coach, volunteer, tutor, and are generally very deeply involved in their children’s lives. Here I think of many of our neighbourhood community pillars.

Optional Success Measure: A Good Partner
Frankly, I can’t quickly reference very much of this. But I can think of one or two people I’ve known throughout the years who consider their own success in life and as an individual as gauged by the degree to which they were a loving, respectful, supportive and committed partner and to which they were an active part of a loving, respectful, supportive and committed partnership situation. Here, I think of Paolo Coelho, a great writer and vocally devoted partner to his wife.

Optional Success Measure: Professional Achievement
These are the people I know who strive for recognition and advancement in the workplace. It may not be about earning more money, or earning a lot of money, but these people are very committed to their profession and want recognition, appreciation and a sense of forward movement in that profession. For them, it’s not about amount of earnings, but it is about rising through the ranks and achieving a level of recognized authority. Here I think of politicians; these are often not particularly highly paid functions, but they are of some perceived authority.

Optional Success Measure: Creative Expression
I think this an easy one to explain. This is the place where artists and dreamers reside, I think. These are the people who pay little to no heed to financial gain, professional achievement, or the accumulation of wealth. These people not only live to create, often they just have to create to live. What becomes of their creation is often an afterthought or never even conceived of. The list of references here is endless: Leonard Cohen, Van Gogh, Woody Allen.

It’s curious, all these possible optional measures of success. Have I missed any? Do they all in their own way lead to happiness? Result in a satisfaction with life? Are they each objectively good measures of success? Is the most important thing only that it is a personally determined measure of success? What’s your key measure of success? What’s mine?

Item #31: Change. Part 2.

In my last post, I talked about Change. And I predicted there would be a Part 2. In fact, it turns out that I do have reason to continue the Change theme. I've been prompted to think about Change a little differently, and brings me to this post: About When Things Actually Don’t Change.

A Situation:

Let’s look at a common Change situation, one that often occurs in the professional setting. A company's management implements a restructuring, people leave, new people join, departments shift, processes shift, offices move… change, change, change. The immediate associated feelings experienced by remaining employees are generally varied and contradictory.

- Feelings of Hope: Things are happening! Good things may follow!
- Feelings of Fear: Do I like these changes? Will they be good for me? Am I safe?
- Feelings of Uncertainty: What is really going on? I see lots happening, but what does it all really mean?

These Change feelings – the hope, the fear, the uncertainty – can take on positive associations or negative associations depending on the ultimate ‘outcome’ of the Change.

This is where Change lies at its essence, and this is why humans have such difficulty with the notion of Change.

If the company's management restructuring, the influx and outflux of people, the processes and physical location shifts, if all that Change, translates into an outcome that is considered better i.e.: beneficial and improved, then the associations we will have with that experience of Change and the associated feelings will be positive.

If the restructuring, the influx and outflux of people, the processes and physical location shifts, all the change, translates into no discernibly improved outcome, then this is the kind of situation that can paint ‘Change’ with a negative brush. Without a positive outcome, we form negative associations with the feelings of the Change experience; the hope, the fear and the uncertainty, become re-interpreted and experienced as deflation, anxiety and discomfort.

So… What Happens When Change Doesn’t Happen? Feelings that could be potentially become associated with positive experiences become re-interpreted as hallmarks of something negative. If, on the other side of Change, there is no discernible improvement, the result is a reduced expectation that good things will happen in the future, because the anticipation for good things to happen in the past was disappointed.

What’s the lesson around Change? I think there are two lessons.

1. As a company, for example, it’s best to proactively ensure that Change results in beneficial improved outcomes. When making Change, don't commit to the process, commit to the end-game.

2. As a person riding Change, in order to manage Change, and in order to be able to handle future waves of Change-related hope, fear and uncertainty, there is a way to look more philosophically at Change. Because even in the midst of seemingly ‘No Change’, there actually is Change, at a potential and more personal level.

Item #30: Change. Part 1.

I’ve been going through a lot of change lately. And change is always a difficult thing. Humans have a strong reaction to change – it creates uncertainty and turmoil. I’ve learned a few things of late as a result:

I’ve Learned: Rational and Emotional
In the midst of difficult times, it’s easy to let emotional reactions carry us away. Makes sense: they are the significantly stronger part of us. Someone once told me our rational side is like the driver sitting atop the emotional elephant. The driver (rationality) can try to direct things, but when the elephant (emotion) decides something, the driver has no hope of controlling it. Just knowing that is half the battle. I’ve found it useful to sanction the two sides to their own spaces. When the emotional reactions come on, I break them apart and challenge them one by one. Is what I am feeling really true? How likely is it that it is really true? When I challenge myself to really pick apart the nature of my emotional thoughts, it’s easy to see very quickly that they are awry. Other times, I have to simply decide to let the rational win.

Example: My house is for sale. I had a moment of overwhelming emotion to the whole thing. I arrived home one evening, the house lights looked beautiful, the house looked beautiful and all I could think of were the wonderful memories of people and times spent in that house. But I caught myself. And challenged my thinking. I realized that I could re-create that emotional space somewhere else. I realized that the beautiful space doesn’t reside in a structure; it resides in me. And all romantic notions aside, looking to the rational truth, I can’t afford the house anymore. The upkeep and the investment that is required are beyond me, and the house has become an unfortunate burden. That’s the reality. Often it’s important to experience the emotion, then put it aside and let the rational win out.

I’ve Learned: Thoughts are Not Facts
When change is underway, the human condition is predisposed to try to make sense of things, to seek to understand. So we play through all the scenarios in our minds for what might be happening, or what might happen, to try to sort it all out. We tell ourselves the boss is probably thinking x, y and z and that’s why he did that. We decide that the ex must be doing a, b and c and thinking d, e and f. The problem is that we end up drawing all kinds of conclusions based on our own solo evaluations. And we forget that we arrived at those conclusions based only on our thoughts in the first place.

The kicker on this one is that most of the time we are wrong in our evaluations. Most of the time, the boss didn’t do half the things you thought he did, and his thoughts were 180 degrees away from where you thought they were. Ditto on the ex. And yet, you drew conclusions based on inaccuracies. Thoughts are not facts and that’s important to remember in tough times.

I’ve Learned: Leap vs. Logic
Finally, I’ve also learned that change cannot be conquered. It happens. It’s going to come at you when you least expect it sometimes, and it’s got a momentum all it’s own. In an effort to gain control, we try to plan, we try to organize, we create contingency plans. And this is a healthy approach. It’s responsible. It’s mature. It’s smart. But sometimes, many times, it doesn’t work. Someone once said, ‘in the midst of all our planning, life happens’. That’s not the direct quote, but it’s true. Sometimes you can do all the planning, and rational ‘thinking’ in the world, and you’ll still come up empty-handed for answers. Sometimes, you have to roll with it, see what happens and leap. Logic is a wonderful thing when it works, but it fails us, often. And in those situations, we just have to trust that we can leap, and that we will land.

I called this posting “Change: Part 1” because it’s an ongoing experience and I’m sure there’ll be a “Change: Part 2” posting somewhere down the line. Maybe even a Part 3 and 4 too.